breath in, breath out

Someday I'll start blogging regularly again.
And start using capital letters.
I've had to use capital letters
out of necessity lately
but I don't yet know if it will stick.

So I'm getting married in just over two months.
My fiance and I are behind in our planning.
We gave ourselves less than four months to
plan this whole thing and I knew I'd start
freaking out when there was only two months left.

So much has gotten done, so much still to do.
We're trying to keep it simple but planning events
that involve fancy dresses and suits,
professional photography,
200 other people,
food for those 200 other people,
and blah, blah, blah, it's just not simple.

I shouldn't complain.
I'm very blessed, very happy with our plans,
very excited to celebrate with the people I love.
I guess there are just days
when I don't know how to get everything done
and I find myself afraid that
I'm going to procrastinate too much
and wake up on my wedding day
with my to-do list only half done.
"Well...it was kind of a wedding...."

With that, I should go get something done.
When I'm overwhelmed it helps
to do anything at all.
Just a tiny bit of progress can make me calm down.

Sorry for the boring, stress-relieving words.
I'll try harder to entertain next time.

-Nicole

the longest winter vol. II

i crave winter,
enjoy almost every part of it
but these days i'm growing weary.

i do relish these quiet, cozy months.
this is a time for candle light,
catching up on good t.v.,
having long conversations

about everything.

my christmas tree is till up,
displaying its dry, furled branches.
snowflakes are one of my favorite things,
i just don't ever get tired of them.
i've been baking dozens of cookies every week.
that's pure wintertime fun.

i've yet to go ice-skating
or traverse the frozen lake i pass
everyday on my way home from work
because winter is not nearly over.
there's still time.

but i'm cold.
nearly always.

i spent the middle months of winter
catching up on 3 seasons of LOST
with my boyfriend
and i have hawaii stuck in my head.
i've never taken a warm-weather vacation.
never seen a white, sandy beach.
are they even real?
i'm starting to think they're
made-up places that only exist
in photographs and movies.
i crave, deeply crave,
the warmth of the sun on my skin.

i like it here.
i like winter.
i just want to get away for a little while.

a little cameo on LOST?
that would be fun.

-nicole

there are wild squirrels in my house.

i don't know how many.
at first i thought that maybe
we just had some very active mice
living in the space between
the first and second floors of my house.
no, the mice are just hanging out
in my roommate's food cupboard.
they eat his food and then poo on the shelf.

the critters living in the ceiling
are most definitely squirrels.
it's too freaking cold right now
to investigate the situation
and banish the intruders
but this weekend they're in for it.
they hang out on the roof of the back porch,
the same roof that my bedroom window looks out on.
somehow they've made/found a hole along where
the porch roof meets the house.

for weeks they've been scampering about,
right under my room.
they're probably really pumped about
this warm home they found
and are, i'm sure, quite settled in.
life is good.

too bad for them, i don't trust squirrels.
i've seen what they can do to a garden
and i've also had my life threatened
by a squirrel over a candy bar.
i didn't even want his candy bar.
you may be wondering how a squirrel can be so
threatening and the only thing i can say
is that it was in his eyes.
he didn't have to say a word.

anyway, we don't know quite how to get rid
of our unwanted tenants.
if we just patch up the hole
it's likely that we will seal them in
where they will either die and smell
or they'll work their way into
the rest of the house.

we have a couple days
to come up with a plan.
i wish it didn't have to come to this.
i kind of want to leave the squirrels a letter
explaining the situation and then they can
leave of their own volition.
i don't think that would work.
they'd probably just eat the note or
make curtains out of it or something.

sorry squirrels.

-nicole