i still tell you my every day

it's been the coldest of the cold here for a couple weeks
and my skin is crackling!
humidifier and baby oil to the rescue but it's not quite enough.

i'm getting a little bored being here in this house all the time
but what can you do, really, when merely one step outside
makes all that winter snot that normally runs down your face
freeze in your nose?

tonight boredom was kept far away by baking ginger cookies
and eating five of them with a big glass of one percent.

this was followed by making fireflies in the dark
using very dry, static-laden laundry.
i didn't think it was possible,
fireflies in january.

-nicole

anybody out there?

no posts in december?!
it was a busy month,
i used my computer to listen to music
and that's about it.
a christmas celebration here,
another one there
and a friend's wedding in between.

i sat at home and did a puzzle on new year's eve
and that was enough excitement for me.
i think i looked at my clock around midnight,
just to know when seven became eight.
it's nice to know those things.

-nicole

this and that

the high today was 18.
that's pretty cold.
not biting and painfully cold,
but close.
i'll save the words 'biting' and 'painful'
for those days that never do make it above zero.

i really enjoy seeing the thick clouds of breath and car exhaust
that appear when the air gets this cold.
there's something very familiar and constant about it.

i'm starting my tenth month without a car
and still enjoying it.
mostly.
i've not been brave enough to bike the last couple weeks
but the bus is kind enough to take me where i need to go.
i should get a better coat and some goggles
and then i'll be set.
i'm really not up for biking with stinging, watery
and eventually frozen eyeballs.

-nicole

where did i go?

this is a much overdue post.
and a weak one at that
as it's almost bedtime.

i'll try harder next time, i promise.

i'm way behind on all things internet right now.
blogs, photos, emails, everything. yikes.
and now i'm going to north dakota
for the rest of the week
where i'll be lucky to have phone service.
but it's time for some family, some stuffing, some vegetables.
oh, the vegetables!
i'm ready for gravy all over my plate
and running around with my littlest cousins.

i hope you have a lovely holiday.
make sure you stuff your face.

-nicole

storypeople

i love this stuff.
i can spend hours reading stories online
since i don't yet own any of the books.
i only wish the drawings were posted
along with the stories but
sometimes they're funnier when i'm left to my own devices.

here are a few of my favorites.

young tomatoes
My grandma used to plant tomato seedlings in tin cans from tomato sauce & puree & crushed tomatoes she got from the Italian restaurant by her house, but she always soaked the labels off first. I don't want them to be anxious about the future, she said. It's not healthy.

garage sale
After she had that last big garage sale she floated off into the sky & I heard her say there was nothing keeping her here anymore & I was much more cautious about the stuff I got rid of after that.

dropping like flies
I like people until they give me reason not to, she said. Some days they just drop like flies, though, she added.

crayon pirate
There was a single blue line of crayon drawn across every wall in the house. What does it mean? I said. A pirate needs the sight of the sea, he said & then he pulled his eye patch down & turned and sailed away.

quiet prayer
As long as the sun shall rise goes the old lovers vow. But we are children of a scientific age & have no time for poetry. Still, I offer a quiet prayer of thanks for the sunlight each time I see your face.

perfect day
It was a day filled with the glow of ordinary things & we passed them quietly from hand to hand for a long time & someone said she had picked a perfect day to be born & I think all of us felt the same.

cultural fable
Once upon a time there was a pig who spoke eight languages & did sculpture with pieces of wood & rusted metal he found on his travels. One day he was out in the woods working on a new installation piece & he met a family from a small town in Tennessee. They had been walking for days. The dad saw the pig & said what are you doing, little piggie? They were all quite surprised when the pig said working with counterbalanced forces using found objects. They all stood around & looked at the piece for a long time. No one said anything. Finally, the dad shrugged & turned to the mom & said I don't know much about art but I know what I like & then they killed the pig & ate him.

(title unknown to me)
My grandfather used to come home from work & he'd stomp twice on the porch with his big boots & he'd say, It's time to be afraid & we'd start screaming & my sister hid behind the piano & I'd hide in the hall closet that smelled like moth balls & it would get very quiet & then he would say, Now, it's time to be very afraid & then we'd start laughing & he'd drag us out, one under each arm, & give us toffee & chocolates & to this day whenever someone says it's time to be afraid, I scream for a little while like everybody else, but I'm really just waiting for the treats.

-nicole

do you settle?

yikes, my desk chair is not so comfortable.
gone are the days of being cozy in my bed
whilst spending time on the interweb.
i've not had a laptop in awhile and
it's bad sleep hygiene (how silly did that sound?)
to use the computer in my sleeping place.

i love the look of my simple wooden desk chair
but i may have to get something bigger, uglier
and more comfortable.
but onto more important things...

who loves settlers of catan?!
it's my new thing and this thursday
i'm going to play cities and knights for the first time.
it's supposed to be even more fun.
can.not.wait.

-nicole

modern medicine is failing me

for two years i've had a very recurring sickness.
it most often consists of pressure
behind my eyes and in my forehead.
sometimes my eyes feel warm in their sockets.
i often have a mild sore throat,
a sneeze here and there.

nothing major or full blown
but enough to make me uncomfortable,
irritated and unmotivated.
the most difficult aspect of all this is that
these symptoms are always accompanied by fatigue.
the tiredness is hard to deal with.
my thinking gets cloudy and my personality dissipates.

when this first hit two years ago
i was sick like this almost everyday.
i'd be healthy about one day a week
and then be plunged right back in.

after a couple months
things lessened but i still get sick like this too often,
several days a week every couple weeks.
recently things have escalated again and i'm up to
two or three days a week of this crap.
as an example,
i was sick two weeks ago sunday, monday and tuesday.
then again this past sunday and monday.
yesterday was grand but i've been sore in the head
and tired all day today.
exact same symptoms every time.

i had my t-cells, red blood cells and whatever else
checked two years ago and everything was normal.
every doctor i've talked to about this gets a puzzled
look on their face and my heart just sinks.
they tell me to make sure i eat right,
exercise daily and get enough sleep.
i know those things. i do those things.
sigh.

how do you lovely people stay healthy?

-nicole