i'm hiding out

i've got a few goofy people stories
that i've accumulated in less than 24 hours.

yesterday.
i was walking around my neighborhood
with my roommate, ben, in the bright afternoon sun.
a middle-aged man biked up behind us
and hollered, "hey!"
we turned to him and he said,
"my name's michael!"
as he biked in front of us he continued,
"two ships passing in the night.
you take care of her...or i will."

this man was off but didn't seem creepy
so i was taken aback by his last three words.
my jaw hit the floor and then i started laughing
because nothing of what he said
made sense on its own or collected together.
city living can be pretty funny.


this morning.
i was biking to work and the first part of my commute is
on the sidewalk as i live on a one-way and need to go
against traffic in order to get to the bike path.
this is usually not a big deal, the few people i encounter
move to the side and i bike along my merry way.

this morning i came upon an older gentleman, his dog,
a middle-aged gal and her dog.
they filled the sidewalk but as i drew near she saw me,
moved to the side and alerted the man to move.
he stepped aside but jumped a little first,
the sight of me coming must've startled him.
i wasn't moving too fast
and everyone was completely out of the way
as i approached and went by.

but something was upsetting about the whole thing
because the lady freaked out.
right after i passed she screamed,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
i knew i hadn't done anything
so i just kept biking, she was scaring me.
"STOP!!!! GET BACK HERE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
i turned to look again and she was hot on my trail,
barreling after me with her dog.

not feeling like getting screamed at in my face or
something worse
i started pedaling double time
and yelled back at her,
"YOU'RE PSYCHO!"
she chased me a little longer and then gave up.

i felt a little bad for yelling at her
but the whole thing was so bizzare and frightening. dang.

minutes after arriving at work.
a little group of folks comes into the cafe
after their a.a. meeting
every saturday right as we open.
they're all really nice and quirky and women.
except for one older guy.
he's usually the first to arrive.
one of the gals in the group
always drinks decaf with milk
and he's taken to telling me whether
she'll be arriving or not.
i don't know why he does this but it's endearing.

i was setting menus on his table
and as he walked by me he said,
"the coffee lady will be coming today!"
and as he said this he patted me about four times
with the back of his hand--directly on my bum.
i honestly don't think he meant to do this,
he just patted right where his hand fell at his side
which happened to be at that exact level on my body.
he was completely oblivious so i just walked away,
furrowing my brow.

-nicole