this and that

the high today was 18.
that's pretty cold.
not biting and painfully cold,
but close.
i'll save the words 'biting' and 'painful'
for those days that never do make it above zero.

i really enjoy seeing the thick clouds of breath and car exhaust
that appear when the air gets this cold.
there's something very familiar and constant about it.

i'm starting my tenth month without a car
and still enjoying it.
mostly.
i've not been brave enough to bike the last couple weeks
but the bus is kind enough to take me where i need to go.
i should get a better coat and some goggles
and then i'll be set.
i'm really not up for biking with stinging, watery
and eventually frozen eyeballs.

-nicole

where did i go?

this is a much overdue post.
and a weak one at that
as it's almost bedtime.

i'll try harder next time, i promise.

i'm way behind on all things internet right now.
blogs, photos, emails, everything. yikes.
and now i'm going to north dakota
for the rest of the week
where i'll be lucky to have phone service.
but it's time for some family, some stuffing, some vegetables.
oh, the vegetables!
i'm ready for gravy all over my plate
and running around with my littlest cousins.

i hope you have a lovely holiday.
make sure you stuff your face.

-nicole

storypeople

i love this stuff.
i can spend hours reading stories online
since i don't yet own any of the books.
i only wish the drawings were posted
along with the stories but
sometimes they're funnier when i'm left to my own devices.

here are a few of my favorites.

young tomatoes
My grandma used to plant tomato seedlings in tin cans from tomato sauce & puree & crushed tomatoes she got from the Italian restaurant by her house, but she always soaked the labels off first. I don't want them to be anxious about the future, she said. It's not healthy.

garage sale
After she had that last big garage sale she floated off into the sky & I heard her say there was nothing keeping her here anymore & I was much more cautious about the stuff I got rid of after that.

dropping like flies
I like people until they give me reason not to, she said. Some days they just drop like flies, though, she added.

crayon pirate
There was a single blue line of crayon drawn across every wall in the house. What does it mean? I said. A pirate needs the sight of the sea, he said & then he pulled his eye patch down & turned and sailed away.

quiet prayer
As long as the sun shall rise goes the old lovers vow. But we are children of a scientific age & have no time for poetry. Still, I offer a quiet prayer of thanks for the sunlight each time I see your face.

perfect day
It was a day filled with the glow of ordinary things & we passed them quietly from hand to hand for a long time & someone said she had picked a perfect day to be born & I think all of us felt the same.

cultural fable
Once upon a time there was a pig who spoke eight languages & did sculpture with pieces of wood & rusted metal he found on his travels. One day he was out in the woods working on a new installation piece & he met a family from a small town in Tennessee. They had been walking for days. The dad saw the pig & said what are you doing, little piggie? They were all quite surprised when the pig said working with counterbalanced forces using found objects. They all stood around & looked at the piece for a long time. No one said anything. Finally, the dad shrugged & turned to the mom & said I don't know much about art but I know what I like & then they killed the pig & ate him.

(title unknown to me)
My grandfather used to come home from work & he'd stomp twice on the porch with his big boots & he'd say, It's time to be afraid & we'd start screaming & my sister hid behind the piano & I'd hide in the hall closet that smelled like moth balls & it would get very quiet & then he would say, Now, it's time to be very afraid & then we'd start laughing & he'd drag us out, one under each arm, & give us toffee & chocolates & to this day whenever someone says it's time to be afraid, I scream for a little while like everybody else, but I'm really just waiting for the treats.

-nicole

do you settle?

yikes, my desk chair is not so comfortable.
gone are the days of being cozy in my bed
whilst spending time on the interweb.
i've not had a laptop in awhile and
it's bad sleep hygiene (how silly did that sound?)
to use the computer in my sleeping place.

i love the look of my simple wooden desk chair
but i may have to get something bigger, uglier
and more comfortable.
but onto more important things...

who loves settlers of catan?!
it's my new thing and this thursday
i'm going to play cities and knights for the first time.
it's supposed to be even more fun.
can.not.wait.

-nicole

modern medicine is failing me

for two years i've had a very recurring sickness.
it most often consists of pressure
behind my eyes and in my forehead.
sometimes my eyes feel warm in their sockets.
i often have a mild sore throat,
a sneeze here and there.

nothing major or full blown
but enough to make me uncomfortable,
irritated and unmotivated.
the most difficult aspect of all this is that
these symptoms are always accompanied by fatigue.
the tiredness is hard to deal with.
my thinking gets cloudy and my personality dissipates.

when this first hit two years ago
i was sick like this almost everyday.
i'd be healthy about one day a week
and then be plunged right back in.

after a couple months
things lessened but i still get sick like this too often,
several days a week every couple weeks.
recently things have escalated again and i'm up to
two or three days a week of this crap.
as an example,
i was sick two weeks ago sunday, monday and tuesday.
then again this past sunday and monday.
yesterday was grand but i've been sore in the head
and tired all day today.
exact same symptoms every time.

i had my t-cells, red blood cells and whatever else
checked two years ago and everything was normal.
every doctor i've talked to about this gets a puzzled
look on their face and my heart just sinks.
they tell me to make sure i eat right,
exercise daily and get enough sleep.
i know those things. i do those things.
sigh.

how do you lovely people stay healthy?

-nicole

cozy insides

i just discovered the wonderfulness
that is hot apple cider and rum.
how i've missed this all my above age life
i do not know.
i'm not a big drinker
but oh my goodness, mmmm.
this could become a wintertime habit.

it's crisp outside tonight
and my friends and i all wore
knit scarves and hats to stay warm.
i think people are adorable in scarves and hats.
winter can bring it,
i'm ready.

-nicole

i'm hiding out

i've got a few goofy people stories
that i've accumulated in less than 24 hours.

yesterday.
i was walking around my neighborhood
with my roommate, ben, in the bright afternoon sun.
a middle-aged man biked up behind us
and hollered, "hey!"
we turned to him and he said,
"my name's michael!"
as he biked in front of us he continued,
"two ships passing in the night.
you take care of her...or i will."

this man was off but didn't seem creepy
so i was taken aback by his last three words.
my jaw hit the floor and then i started laughing
because nothing of what he said
made sense on its own or collected together.
city living can be pretty funny.


this morning.
i was biking to work and the first part of my commute is
on the sidewalk as i live on a one-way and need to go
against traffic in order to get to the bike path.
this is usually not a big deal, the few people i encounter
move to the side and i bike along my merry way.

this morning i came upon an older gentleman, his dog,
a middle-aged gal and her dog.
they filled the sidewalk but as i drew near she saw me,
moved to the side and alerted the man to move.
he stepped aside but jumped a little first,
the sight of me coming must've startled him.
i wasn't moving too fast
and everyone was completely out of the way
as i approached and went by.

but something was upsetting about the whole thing
because the lady freaked out.
right after i passed she screamed,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
i knew i hadn't done anything
so i just kept biking, she was scaring me.
"STOP!!!! GET BACK HERE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
i turned to look again and she was hot on my trail,
barreling after me with her dog.

not feeling like getting screamed at in my face or
something worse
i started pedaling double time
and yelled back at her,
"YOU'RE PSYCHO!"
she chased me a little longer and then gave up.

i felt a little bad for yelling at her
but the whole thing was so bizzare and frightening. dang.

minutes after arriving at work.
a little group of folks comes into the cafe
after their a.a. meeting
every saturday right as we open.
they're all really nice and quirky and women.
except for one older guy.
he's usually the first to arrive.
one of the gals in the group
always drinks decaf with milk
and he's taken to telling me whether
she'll be arriving or not.
i don't know why he does this but it's endearing.

i was setting menus on his table
and as he walked by me he said,
"the coffee lady will be coming today!"
and as he said this he patted me about four times
with the back of his hand--directly on my bum.
i honestly don't think he meant to do this,
he just patted right where his hand fell at his side
which happened to be at that exact level on my body.
he was completely oblivious so i just walked away,
furrowing my brow.

-nicole

maybe i'll get a vespa

i had a relatively inefficient day.
my workplace was absolutely dead
and i got sent home after two hours,
with no earnings in my pocket.
(i'm a server.)

i had a doctor's appointment at 3p.m.
and i scheduled it so that i'd have
just the right amount of time to bike over after work
as my clinic is fairly near my job.

getting off work several hours early messed up that plan
so i biked home, showered, had a snack
and then took the bus to my appointment.

this turned out to be a mistake.
after my appointment i ran out to the bus stop
and happily discovered that the next bus
was to come by in five minutes.
and it did.
but it flew around the corner and down the block
before stopping at a nearby stop.
so i had to wait for the next bus,
which wasn't due to arrive for 40 minutes.

i walked over to the other bus stop
and waited. and waited.
and then a rather large black man walked up
and told me that i was at the wrong stop.
he takes the 12 everyday and said that the bus alternates
stops and that it would be stopping around the corner
and down the block.
where i originally had been waiting.

the man and i conversed for awhile and then he said to me,
"see that man over there?"
he pointed across the street to a white-haired gentleman
wearing a dark suit and carrying a weathered brown shoulder bag.
he was coming our way, hurried and disheveled.
"yeah."
"well, when he shows up that means the bus is almost here."

these two men take the bus everyday
and they took turns complaining about
the horrible state of this particular bus line.

we eventually boarded the bus
and before i even sat down i heard a voice say,
"no bike today?"
it was a boy that comes into the cafe with his grandfather.
an avid cyclist, he's seen me on the trails
and we've visited several times.
he had lots of acquaintances on the bus
as many of them ride together everyday.
it's a whole world i didn't know existed.

i had to switch buses partway home
but my transfer ticket had expired
due to aforementioned circumstances
so i decided to walk the dozen blocks home
rather than pay another $2.00.

what would have been a 30 minute bike ride
or 15 minute car ride was a
1 hour and 45 minute trip home.
today was one of those days where
owning car would have been alright.

-nicole

i love me some food

i just looked at my recent grocery receipt
and there's a line printed that tells me
that out of the $48.81 that i spent,
$32.23 was spent on local products/companies.

sustainable agriculture is exciting to me.
grocery shopping is really fun but it always takes me forever
because a lot of factors go into each item in my cart.
besides just deciding what the heck i need to buy
there are other questions.
where is this item sourced?
does it contain trans-fat? high-fructose corn syrup? preservatives?
do i pay extra for local/organic?
when an item is available as local or organic but not both,
which is best? (my current answer is usually local.)
how was this animal treated before
part of it ended up in this package i'm holding?

i compare different brands of the same item
to see if one is more nutritious that the other.
what if the healthier item isn't local?
this one has more vitamin a, this one more fiber, hmm....

i can easily spend an hour in the store,
just shopping for one silly person
but i really enjoy the process and view it as
an opportunity to learn.

groceries!

-nicole

dear diary

i should be reading.
or writing with pen and paper--
nah, i'm too tired for that.
i think reading sounds lovely.

but before i do i'm going to type something here.
i think maybe i'm too tired for that, too.
i'm 28 years old, probably too old to be writing
a completely self-absorbed and pointless blog entry.

sometimes i'm completely self-absorbed and pointless.

fall is eating eating at my insides.
i feel so melancholy at times.
i was talking about this to a friend
and he said that fall accentuates
wherever he is emotionally at the time.

that made a lot of sense to me.
i guess it's a melancholy fall this year.
it will serve its purpose,
whether i know what that is or not
whether i like it or not.
and that's okay.

-nicole

i'm sailing!

i''ve been stopping on my bike ride home from work
to do some swinging on swings
at lake calhoun.

i only swing on the chilly days,
when there's no one else around
just a few sailboats on the lake
and the occasional passing jogger.

i enjoy the solitude,
music in my ears
singing out loud.
the breeze blows through
my growing-out hair,
flowing back and forth.

i remove my sunglasses
to let all the sunlight in,
reminding myself to enjoy it now
it will be hard to find soon.

i decided it would be fun to leave a sailboat
on the lake all through fall and into winter
so that it freezes into the lake.
i imagine a bundled-up someone
walking across the lake and climbing into their sailboat,
putting their feet up and just enjoying the afternoon,
going nowhere.

-nicole

it's almost time for my long winter's nap

i flew across my yard on my slip 'n slide last night.
after dark and just as the raindrops started to fall, of course.
it's more fun that way.

the leaves are starting to turn
and sunlit hours are waining.
i think it might be fall now.
today.
this very day.
it was hot all week but that's over and done
and soon it will be sweater weather.
then slowly i'll add my scarf, my mittens, my hat.

i'm having thoughts about pumpkin patches and apple orchards.
i decided i'm going to make pies this fall and winter.
lots of them.
it will help keep the house warm and my belly full of goodness.

-nicole

fallin' asleep at my computer

i went to the state fair this evening.
minnesota boasts the second largest state fair in the nation.
second only to texas, of course.

i had plans of eating cheese curds, mini donuts, maybe a corn dog
but in the end i didn't eat one single fried thing.
but i did have a yummy corn on the cob (on a stick!)
and then i was able to throw the cob, stick and paper napkin
in a giant compost bin so that was pretty cool.

i saw al franken,
fought the urge to take home a wobbly newborn lamb,
and rode a pretty sweet carnival ride that
was originally built in 1920.

i'm all faired out.
i think i'm too introverted for large, dense crowds.
they're such energy suckers.
phew.

-nicole

let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story

i've recently discovered a lovely little film called sweet land.
it's a love story; a slow, simple, and quiet love story.
while the film is mostly spoken in english
the female lead character speaks almost exclusively german
and her words are deliberately unsubtitled.
the language barrier is effectively portrayed
and yet the performances are so good
that there's no question about what's being said.

the lighting in almost every frame is beautiful,
whether it's a room lit by kerosene
or the sun shining on a wheat field.
the love story is understated.
it takes its time
and this creates a depth and believability
that i think are lacking in so many romantic films.

the film was shot and takes place
in southern minnesota
which makes it all the more charming and relatable to me.
rent it, borrow it, i'll lend you my copy. :)
it's not a perfect film, i don't want to build it up
to an impossible level,
but it's very, very good.

-nicole

adventures in biking

yesterday was drizzly and overcast
and at 3pm i had before me the task
of biking home.

i love rainy days,
they stir up abundance inside of me
and leave me in this lovely place
somewhere between peaceful and energized.

so i set out on my bike,
rainy day songs playing in my ears,
raindrops making my eyelids flutter.
i had the bicycle path to myself
on this most fortunate of days
so i decided to practice bicycling with no hands.

things went surprisingly well and before long
i was able to steer around curves in the path
and even relax my arms
and put them by my sides
instead of holding them outstretched
to keep my balance.

the rain felt good running down my hair,
dripping off my cheeks
and i sang like no one was listening because
most of the time, no one was.
except those raindrops
but they're good secret keepers.

and then today.

the sun was shining but the air was cool
and i was once again biking home around the lake.

i had worn my sweatshirt during my morning ride
but no longer needed it so i had tied it
around my handlebars.
but it became loose early in my ride and somehow,
whilst tightening my sweatshirt's hold on my bike,
i lost control and went flying down a small
hill filled with bushes that separates
the bike path from the walking path.

there was nothing to be done,
i was going too fast and could not stop.
through the bushes i flew
and i finally crashed to the ground
on the asphalt walking path.

i just laid on the ground for a few seconds,
feeling a little shocked and a little embarrassed.
my head was downhill from my legs,
legs which were also intertwined
in both my bike and the bushes.
i tried to get up but the laws of physics had other plans
and things hurt all over so i gave up,
put my head back down, and started to laugh.
it was the only thing to be done, really.
thankfully two mom ladies came running over
to see if i was okay and one of them
picked my bike up for me which enabled me
to pick myself up off the ground.
i assured them i was fine,
thanked them for their kindness
and got back on my bike,
my pride mostly intact.

even though i was bleeding, in a lot of pain,
and had dirt and gravel embedded in multiple places on my body,
i couldn't help but laugh all the way home.
i'm sure i had made quite scene
and there had been plenty of people there
to see the whole thing go down.
i think falling is really funny
and i hope they all got a good laugh
at my expense. i really mean that.
i hope they had compassion, too,
but i really hope they laughed.

my battle wounds are as follows:
a somewhat deep scratch on the back of my left leg,
a chunk taken out of my left knee (still some dirt in there),
a swollen scrape on my left hip (definitely a small piece of gravel in there),
two painful, lumpy bruises near my left elbow,
broken blood vessels in both palms,
lots of dirt and gravel deeply embedded into my right palm,
it stinking hurts to bend my left arm and my neck is a little sore.

i decided i'm going to get a helmet this week
since if i'd landed on my head instead of my side
things could have been bad.
plus i promised my mom when i started biking
that i'd get a helmet, and promises are for keeping.

-nicole

tree hugger (part 2)

at work a few days ago i had a table of four folks,
two of whom were native american.
one of them was an older gentleman,
and through the course of conversation
i learned that he was a dakota indian
and his tribe existed right where we were standing
until about 1840.
he was dressed in a bright salmon shirt,
his long gray hair intertwining
with his many necklaces
made of beads and animal claws.

they were an altogether lovely
group of people
and i enjoyed hearing bits of their
conversation every time i walked by.

when i came over to clear a few plates
he asked if i was studying anything in school
and i said i was not in school anymore
but had attended college,
had studied theatre and biblical languages.
and then i added the usual,
"but i might go back because i really
would like to study ecology."
one of the gals at the table said,
"see. you were right."
i stood there in a confused state
and then she said,
"he told us you were an environmentalist,"
and nodded toward the old man.
"are you a tree hugger?" he asked, smiling.
i started to laugh and told him that yes i was
and i had climbed a tree just days ago.
he said he can tell things about people
and he could tell i cared about the environment
and that i had a special affection for trees.

we then had an interesting discussion about the earth,
exchanging viewpoints from our respective belief systems.
"man was not given dominion over the earth to exploit it
but to care for it..."
it was very enjoyable except for the part where
my boss got mad at me for talking to them for too long.
ah well.

-nicole

tree hugger

this afternoon i rode bikes with a couple friends
and we stopped for a rest at the most
wonderful park in minneapolis.
my friends helped me climb a tree that i've
wanted to climb for years.
i'm not tall enough to reach the lowest branch
so i always contented myself with splashing
in the nearby fountain instead.
but these friends understand the significance
of a good climbing tree
and worked together to help me climb it.
once the three of us were settled into its branches
we just sat for awhile and enjoyed the day.
i was so pleased to finally be in the tree.
i couldn't stop marveling at the fact that i was sitting there,
with my friends on either side.
at that moment it was the very best place.

-nicole

caution: me behind the wheel

i just got my new driver's license in the mail today.
i renewed it last saturday,
the day before it expired.
due to this expiration
i had to renew it before i could rent
a car for the weekend and drive to my grandparents' farm.
not only does enterprise pick you up,
they drive you to get your license renewed.
yeah, i had to be driven to the dmv and back
by an enterprise rent-a-car employee.

now, i'd just gotten back from a week and a half in alaska
and maybe i just tried to do to much too soon because
twenty miles down the road,
in my rented chrysler p.t. cruiser (i know, i know),
i got a speeding ticket.
75 in a 60.
i was within spitting distance of the 'speed limit 70' sign.
an hour after that i barrelled into
two garbage-can-sized pylons.
i dented the hood, took out a side mirror
and scraped an entire side of the car.
oops.

always get the optional insurance through
the rental agency, my friends. always.
if something happens all you do is hand them the keys,
sign a form containing your explanation of what happened
and walk out the door.
it's pretty sweet.
i still feel bad but they said cars come back damaged
more often then not.
i guess if i'm gonna get in an accident
it might as well be with a corporation's car
and with their car insurance
instead of with my own.

anyway, i'm sticking to my bike for awhile.

-nicole

and we all fall down

my favorite view of downtown minneapolis
was from the 35W bridge
and this was especially true at night.

as i've spoken with others in the last day,
i've learned that many people
felt the same way i did
when seeing the skyline and the river
as they drove across that bridge.
there are other bridges that cross
the mississippi into downtown
but none with a view that compared.

i've driven that stretch of road hundreds of times.
the bridge was a major part of daily life in the cities.
it scares me that it fell and people suffered.
it scares me that we don't have it anymore.
i don't know exactly how our city will function
without that bridge for the next few years.

this will change the way the city grows,
where people work and live.
it will cause some neighborhoods and businesses to thrive
and others to wither.
or maybe it won't be so bad
and we'll all get it figured out after a little while.

-nicole

wildlife is crazy

maybe i'm just ignorant
but i didn't know that moose could swim.
i went kayaking today at lake eklutna
and during our lunch break
my sister, her husband and i
watched a moose swim across the lake!

truly, we didn't even realize it was a moose until it
rose out of the water and walked on shore.
we'd all seen the odd dark formation
glide across the water but thought it was driftwood,
not a head and huge antlers.

we also found mt. doom.
yep. it was pretty sweet.

-nicole

land of the midnight sun

it's almost midnight and not dark yet
so i'm going to record a video of it in a few minutes.
i won't be able to post it until i get back, unfortunately.

i saw a sea otter today and golly, it was so cute!
i thought i'd recorded it swimming around
but there's no trace of it on my camera
so apparently i didn't push the button correctly. oops.

i'm really tired so this is all i can come up with right now.
still a little jet-lagged, i guess.

-nicole

a northward traveler

i'm flying to alaska in twelve hours.
somehow, i've managed to not pack yet.
thankfully, just having to pack for cornerstone
has me feeling pretty confidant in my swift packing skills.

i've been very social in the two weeks
since then and i can't think of hardly a night that i spent
sitting at home by myself.
phew. i'm tired.

i'm excited to be going to alaska but
i'm already missing my own little room,
my friends, my cat.

anyone wanna come with and keep me company
on the plane?

-nicole

be still my tummy

i'm trying to drink some airborne
but it's just not sitting well with my taste buds tonight.
not that it ever tastes good
but it's so repulsive to me right now
that even looking at the glass makes
my stomach a little sickly.
swallow, gag, shudder. repeat.

i've always had an aversion to medication.
my mom had to bribe me to take that crazy pink
amoxicillin when i was a child.
tablets and capsules weren't much easier for me.
and i have NEVER been able to handle cough syrup.
that stuff tastes like liquid death.
i was a pretty healthy kid and she always said
that i hated medicine so much that i willed myself
to never get sick.

i need to learn how to do that again.

-nicole

here i am, wordless again

i've not posted for a little while.
i guess that's because i'm not sure what to say.
any suggestions? any questions?
for months most everything i've written has
been a disappointment.
this isn't me begging for compliments,
rather i'm just being honest.

despite my lack of actual writing,
inside i'm feeling a resurgence in my desire to write.
this doesn't mean that anything will come to fruition
but being given the desire to create again feels good.
i give up too easily so for now, i'm going to try.
it's been declared here so you can hold me to it.

-nicole

getting snippy

operation 'grow hair out'
suffered a little setback this week.
hairdressers have a hard time stopping, i think.
at one point i could tell my hair was about
as trimmed as i wanted it to be
but chunks of hair just kept falling to the ground.
sigh.
if i were bolder i would have squeaked out, "enough!...please."
but i just sat there and watched
my happily grown-out hair disappear.
i like my haircut i guess but, gosh.
i want my hair back.

p.s. at this moment i am listening to a few songs
from mandy moore's upcoming album that are on her website.
i kept reading things about this record all over the place
so i had to see what all the fuss was about.
'kay. i just had to get that out.
-nicole

hand me the sunscreen please

i donned my swimsuit for the first time this summer
and went to a water park today.
this water park had a really intense wave pool
that literally was too much for me.
i couldn't even progress forward to the deeper
end of the pool because the waves were so strong
that i kept getting thrown backwards.
the pool was crammed full of bodies
and each time a ginormous wave came through
we'd all get slammed into each other.
it was pretty funny.
the waves really made me want to see the ocean again
but it's just so far away.

oh, i also had dippin' dots for the first time
in over a decade.
it's weird how they stick to the inside
of your mouth in much the same way
as metal does in winter.
now, why do i stick metal in my mouth in winter?
i don't really remember.
i probably do things like put my keys in my mouth
so i can put on my mittens.
all i know is i DO NOT lick flagpoles
'cause we all know that's dumb.

-nicole

hard hat area

i think i'm going to start volunteering with
'habitat for humanity.'
i attended an orientation session this evening
and i was really impressed with what i've learned
so far about habitat.

they have a relatively small number of paid employees
but rely very heavily on volunteers in every part
of the process of providing homes.
as a volunteer you can build houses on site,
work in the office, be on the 'family selection committee',
help plan events and fundraisers,
help plan home dedications and on the list goes.
it's an extremely volunteer-based organization.

hopefully i'll soon spend my mondays
building houses with other volunteers
and habitat families. awesome.

-nicole

it looks like rain for all of us

i went shopping for a vintage dress after work today (success!)
even though rain was imminent.
the deluge began shortly before i needed to hop
back on my bike and ride the dozen blocks home.
the gal at the store, herself a fellow biker, helped me
make a raincoat out of a garbage bag and off i went.

i've biked in sprinkling rain a number of times this spring,
which i love, but i realized during my ride home
that i hadn't biked in the pouring rain
since i was in scotland two years ago.

in our hostel in the port town of oban, on scotland's western coast,
my friend jennifer and i met two boys
who had been studying abroad in edinburgh.
they were from florida and australia,
school was over and they were doing some traveling
before returning home.
they invited us to bike with them the next day
on the isle of mull, a ferry ride to the west.

the day began with glorious sunshine but before long
the rain started falling and it didn't really stop.
scotland in mid-april is not warm,
especially when it's raining
and it was always raining.

i was wearing gloves, my down vest
and of course my raincoat
but i was still miserably cold.
poor jennifer didn't have a raincoat
and was soggy and freezing.
but we were determined to have a good time
and refused to give up and go back.
meeting other travelers had thus far proved
harder than we expected
and we didn't want to spend the day
wandering around drizzly little oban by ourselves,
although jenn did look at me once with
a glimpse of despair in her eyes and said,
"i don't know if i can do this."
but on we pressed and eventually
the rain became a sprinkle and
the sun found holes in the clouds
and peeked through to warm our chilly faces.

i stopped keeping a travel journal two weeks
into my five-week trip and i keep thinking
i need to sit down and write as much as i can still remember.
i've surely lost a few memories already
and i don't want to lose any more.

-nicole

i've been meaning to ditch my xanga for awhile
and i finally did it.
welcome to my new blog.
it feels weird here.
i've had my xanga for...let me check...1,315 days.
that's over 3 1/2 years.
how silly that i feel a tiny sense of loss
over something so insignificant and intangible.
xanga doesn't have feelings,
it doesn't care that i'm leaving.

xanga was my first little piece of the internet
and although i reserve most of my truly personal thoughts
for kin and paper journals, i have put a lot of myself
into those entries.

ah well, it's time to move on.

-nicole